Managing Big Emotions: Emotional Regulation Tips for Preschoolers

23 February 2025

Parenting a preschooler can feel like riding an emotional roller coaster. One minute they're laughing uncontrollably, and the next, they’re on the floor in full meltdown mode because their sandwich was cut into squares instead of triangles. Sound familiar? Preschoolers experience emotions just as intensely as adults—sometimes even more so—but they lack the tools and self-awareness to manage them. That’s where we, as parents, step in.

Helping your little one manage big emotions is one of the greatest gifts you can give them. It’s not just about surviving the tantrums, though that’s a definite bonus! Emotional regulation is a critical life skill that will serve them well into adulthood. So, let’s dive into some practical, doable tips for teaching your preschooler how to navigate those big emotions without it ending in tears (for either of you).

What Are “Big Emotions,” and Why Do Preschoolers Struggle With Them?

Preschoolers are a bundle of curiosity, creativity, and intense feelings. These "big emotions" could be happiness, frustration, sadness, anger, or even fear. While we, as adults, can usually pause, process, and respond to situations, preschoolers don’t have that luxury yet. Their brains are still developing, particularly the part responsible for self-control and reasoning (aka the prefrontal cortex).

For your little one, everything feels urgent and overwhelming. They don’t understand why they can’t have another scoop of ice cream or why bedtime is non-negotiable. When their emotional cup overflows, they let it out—often loudly and dramatically.

Why Emotional Regulation Matters

Here’s the thing: managing emotions doesn’t come naturally—it’s a learned skill. Emotional regulation helps kids:

- Build stronger relationships with family and friends.
- Feel more confident in handling challenges.
- Develop problem-solving skills.
- Decrease anxiety and confusion in overwhelming situations.

Think of emotional regulation as a muscle: the more you work on it with your child, the stronger it gets. Let’s dive into how you can help them strengthen that muscle.

1. Create a Safe Space for Emotions

Have you ever been told to "calm down" when you’re upset? Yeah, it doesn’t help much—and it’s the same for kids. When your preschooler is feeling all the feels, they need to know it's okay. Let them know their emotions are valid, whether they’re feeling angry, scared, or frustrated. It's important to communicate, "It’s okay to feel upset. Everyone gets upset sometimes."

A safe space doesn’t have to be a physical corner (though a cozy "calm-down corner" can help). It’s about creating an environment where your child knows they won’t be judged or punished for expressing their feelings. Once they feel secure, they’ll be more open to learning how to manage their emotions.

2. Validate Their Feelings

Imagine you’re venting to a friend, and their response is, “You’re overreacting.” Ouch, right? Now picture how a child feels when their meltdown is brushed off as "silly" or "not a big deal." Validation is key to emotional regulation.

Instead of dismissing their feelings, try saying something like, "Wow, you’re really upset. I can see why you feel frustrated about not getting the toy you wanted." This simple acknowledgment helps them feel seen and understood—and sets the stage for teaching healthy coping strategies.

3. Teach Them the Language of Emotions

Ever had a day where you felt “off” but couldn’t really explain why? Preschoolers often feel the same way. They may be angry, sad, or frustrated but lack the words to express it. That’s where you come in!

Teach your child to label their emotions. Start with the basics: happy, sad, angry, scared. Then, as they get the hang of it, you can introduce more nuanced terms like frustrated, anxious, or excited. Books about emotions or even drawing “emotion faces” can make this process fun and engaging.

4. Model Emotional Regulation

Let’s be real—kids are little sponges. They soak up everything we say and do, including how we handle our emotions. If you lose your cool every time you’re stuck in traffic, your child may assume that’s the way to handle frustration.

Instead, model healthy emotional regulation. The next time you’re upset, say something like, “I’m feeling frustrated because I can’t find my keys. I’m going to take a deep breath and think about where I last saw them.” This shows your child that it’s okay to feel upset—and that there are productive ways to handle it.

5. Introduce Simple Coping Techniques

Preschoolers may not be ready for advanced mindfulness exercises, but they can definitely start learning some basic coping tools. Here are a few they’ll love:

- Deep Breathing: Teach them to take “flower breaths.” Smell the flower (inhale through the nose), then blow out the candle (exhale through the mouth).
- Counting: Encourage counting to 10 when they’re upset. It gives them a moment to pause and collect themselves.
- Squeezing a Stress Ball: A squishy ball or stuffed animal can give them a physical outlet for their frustration.
- Hugging It Out: Hugs can work wonders—sometimes they’re the emotional “reset” kids need.

Pick one or two techniques and practice them regularly. You can even turn it into a game so they don’t feel like they're being “taught.”

6. Set Boundaries With Empathy

Managing your child’s big emotions doesn’t mean giving in to every demand. In fact, setting clear boundaries is a critical part of teaching emotional regulation. The key? Do it with empathy.

For example, if your child is throwing a tantrum because they want a cookie before dinner, you can say, "I know you really want a cookie right now. It’s hard to wait, isn’t it? We’re going to have dinner first, and then you can have one." You’re holding firm on the rule while also showing understanding.

7. Use Books and Stories

Kids love stories, and they’re a fantastic way to teach emotional regulation. Look for books that feature characters experiencing and managing emotions. “The Color Monster” by Anna Llenas or “When Sophie Gets Angry—Really, Really Angry” by Molly Bang are great choices.

As you read together, talk about the characters’ feelings. Ask, “How do you think they’re feeling? What do you think they’ll do next?” This encourages your child to think about emotions in a relatable (and non-threatening) way.

8. Practice Problem-Solving Together

Big emotions often stem from big problems—well, at least big in the eyes of a preschooler! Help your child navigate these scenarios by practicing problem-solving together.

For example, if they're upset because their block tower keeps falling, work together to come up with solutions. Ask, “What can we do to make it stronger?” Guiding them through the process helps them feel more in control and teaches them how to tackle challenges in the future.

9. Create Routines and Predictability

Preschoolers thrive on routine. Knowing what to expect helps them feel safe and reduces the likelihood of emotional outbursts. Try to keep daily schedules consistent—meals, naps, and playtime at similar times each day.

When changes do occur, give them a heads-up. For example, “We’re going to the doctor tomorrow morning, so we won’t have time for cartoons.” This helps them mentally prepare for the shift.

10. Be Patient With the Process

Teaching emotional regulation takes time—lots of it. There will be days when your preschooler surprises you with how well they handle a tough moment, and other days when it feels like nothing is sinking in. That’s normal.

Remember, every meltdown is an opportunity to teach and connect. With your guidance, your child will gradually learn to understand and manage their emotions. Celebrate the small wins, and don’t forget to give yourself grace, too.

Conclusion

Preschoolers feel everything so deeply, and that’s both a challenge and a gift. While big emotions can sometimes feel overwhelming (for both you and your child), they’re also an opportunity to teach valuable life skills. By creating a safe space, modeling healthy emotional regulation, and practicing coping strategies together, you’re setting your child up for a lifetime of emotional resilience.

So, take a deep breath, grab that “flower breath” technique, and remember—you’ve got this!